Trust On Gods Name Dont Test His Name

The story start from the day i planned for Rameswram trip and my mother called me up for tirupati darshan on Vaikunth Ekadasi .

I told my mother that i will try to come if possible as i am going to Rameswram and after coming back from Rameswram i have to attend a Vedio conferencing interview . so it was a bit difficult to make a plan for tirupati .

But the moment my mother keeps the call i start dreaming the most powerful Tirupati Bala ji .

so i booked the ticket for tirupati & left it on Bala ji .

The moment my mother called me for Tirupati , i started having Darshan of Lord Bala ji ...

1) Lord Bala ji coming out from Sankha ..

2) Lord Bala ji coming out of Lotous ..

3) Lord Bala ji having peakcock feather in background ..

4) Lord Bala ji like hanuman ji ..his Head is touching to Sky ..& i can only look his lotus feet ..

Frankly speaking i never had such a desire to have darshan of shri Bala ji ,but my mom is intense devotee of Shri Bala ji ..& she had a desire to have darshan of Bala ji specially on Vaikuntha Ekadasi .
So i think because of her devotion Lord Bala ji invited me for his Darshan ..i agree i am not a deserving person to have his Darshan on this auspicious day .

Now the story starts ....

my mother had some VIP pass ,we got up at 1am and went to collect ticket for darshan .my mother stood in the queue for 8 hours & his Son (me) was sleeping in the cab waiting for maa .

my beloved mother came back at 9am with the tickets and informed me that we have darshan at 2PM .

we went to temple at 11:30 am and lined up in the queue . till 5PM we were no where near to have the Darshan of Bala ji .

there were 8 or 9 big rooms which we have to cross for proceeding further but there was too much crowd .

at 7PM we were at room 5 & at 9 PM we were at rom 2 .

now ...my beloved mother was too much tired & was thinking that this year also she would not be able to have Darshan of bala ji ...& she was planning to come out from queue & go back to Guest House .

Then i dont know what happened to me ..i closed my eyes & i could see Lord Bala ji infront of me ..instead of praying Him i start scolding him ..

things which i said to him ..

1) if my mother will not have darshan today ,i will never come to tirupati .

2)i never want to come for ur darshan then why did you call me ,i.e on such a auspicious day .did u call me to see my mother sadness ?

3) what u want to prove ? i know you get happiness in testing ur devotees ..& i am ready for test but please do not test my mothers patience ..dont be so rude in giving ur darshan ..

4) i know my prayers are going in vain because crowd is not moving at all ...then i thought there is one more my beloved Hanuman ji he might help me ..& i prayed to him

5) but again i started fighting with him ...that if the Ram naam which i chant is not have this much power that my mother wish (having darshan on Vaikunt Ekadashi ..) can be completed . then there is no use for me to chant Ram naam further .

6) First time i felt so help less & i said i will leave Ram naam if my mother will go back without having darshan .

7) at a point i felt that i lost every thing in my life ..my all devotion & love for Ram ji is fake & my love to Ram ji is not true at all ..

Finally crowd start moving a bit faster & we had darshan around 11 PM ...we went through the vaikuntha Dwaara ..@11:30 PM .

I was happy after coming out from that Dwara along with my mother . but my own Guru was v unhappy with me & then it was his time to scold me ....

He Said ..

1) who are you to test Ram naam ...? you take Ram naam because of my blessings ,so i dont have right to test that .

the Name given to me is for having Trust not for testing .

2) how come i lost my faith at that moment (He is always with me ,how can i forget that..) its lack of faith ..& lack of patience .

3) Ram naam is already tested by so many devotees it has the power ,if you test it & u see things r not working in ur ways .it doesnt mean Ram naam has some problem .its a direct indication that you have a problem . ur bhakti is not proper ur devotion is lacking some where .

4) who am i to stop chanting Ram naam ?its Hanuman ji wish thats why i can recite Ram naam .

i am no one to start & stop it ...

i got a v good lesson from this ..i wrote it so that i keep remind myself that my Ram naam is given by Hanuman ji & he is always with me ...

Just want to highlight its my mother intense devotion for Lord Bala ji because of that i had darshan & learn this lesson..

Jai Shri Ram